[ tiredly reaches for the sandwich with a bit of a wince. ]
None of that's your fault. It's what happens with these things - missions, adventures, whatever you want to call them. [ he stares down at the package for a moment, eyes haunted. ] I'm never going to forget that thing.
[ oh honey... he knows that look, too, that haunted, far away trauma. he's seen it on many euchronian citizens, let alone in halia.
he's quiet for a moment, nudging the water and sandwich closer so he doesn't have to reach far, and speaks with a low gravel in his voice, serious. ]
... It was months ago for me, and yet, I feel the same.
[ martira, that is. homo jaluzo, joanna, all of it - of all the parts of the tournament, it's one of the ones that still keeps him up at night. not just the creature itself, but its story. the horrors of grief, and what it can do to someone's psyche. ] It was Martira, yeah? So I heard from Ace, at least.
...Humans are always monstrosities, but... in particular, that one was a nightmare.
[ a nod. every time he blinks, he swears he can see that horrible face again, the tongue that reaching for him, dragging him in rip him apart with jagged teeth. just as bad, perhaps, as the piles and piles of children's bones and toys scattered around the dungeon. ]
"Nightmare" is a good word for it. It'll definitely be in mine. [ he takes a long, slow breath, wincing at even the small movement of his chest. still not fully healed. ] If they're really always like that, it's no wonder Hikari-san tried to warn us off.
They are. Different forms and names, but - a scourge and monstrosity, no matter how you find them. That one in particular was gruesome from start to end.
[ grim in agreement, because - yeah. man. homo jaluza's one of the worst of the worst, and strohl's own trauma with humans is bad enough. ]
'fraid that's not a name I recognise. [ though hikari and strohl would probably get along like a house on fire... sword nobility......... ] Though perhaps he was looking out for you, it takes a great deal of courage to stand up to a human. There's nothing wrong with feeling that you've faced something horrible, or being horrified by it. Lord knows I am, and still am, but... you've yet made it out onto the other side. And that's something very few can say, in Euchronia.
[ his eyes sweep the room, briefly. is his resonant vessel around? ]
It's hard to imagine more of those things out there... My world didn't even have regular monsters, just people and animals. Not that people can't be monsters sometimes, too, but... it's different.
He was in the Reaper's Game with me and Nanase. That's... kind of what he said. That most didn't survive fighting those things, but the tournament would make people try, anyway. He said it was "ambitious, but foolish."
[ his resonant vessel is here! pulsing in tbd colors on a table beside the bed, where he can keep it close and in sight. ]
[ yeah. to say the least - taking on humans is a david and goliath fight, though... from what he's heard from the others, there's a reason they made it through. there's sympathy that flickers across his face as he describes his world (one full of monsters of a different type, if kazuki's anger the other day was any indicator) but he nods to the vessel, after a long moment. ]
But, suppose it's the attitude of one with the heart of a hero king, too. Fortune favours the bold. [ a little softer; he glances back at kazuki again. ] You awakened, right?
he smiles a little, even at the brief hesitance - tired, sure, but his words are genuine: ] 's a pretty big deal, you know? Not many people that know about archetypes, let alone utilise them. Says a lot about you.
[ oh - he's just like, stunned into silence for a second, startled silence.
...
and then he laughs, once, a soft huff of a noise as he rubs the back of his neck. of course, right? he caught onto it when kazuki was so furious last week, that they're cut from a very, very similar cloth. absently, strohl's hand comes up and briefly touches against the front of his own chest, curling in his jabot. ]
...Well. Suppose I could tell you how it was for me, if that'd help. [ though he won't do so without permission - kazuki had mentioned being talked at before, so he doesn't want to push that further, either. ] Considering.
When I went through my own awakening, it was a bit different. Though my friends were not necessarily in a grave amount of danger at the exact moment...
[ a pause. he shakes his head. ]
... Seven years ago, my village was razed to the ground in an attack by a human - the very first one. And my parents - the nobles of the land - called for reinforcements from the state army when we were attacked, in hopes that they could fight off the human with support, but none ever came, and Halia burned.
[ though strohl is calm, his words here are impassioned - the delivery is slow, but there's an anger underneath them, something old. ]
I learned the reason for why no reinforcements came was at the behest of Count Louis, a general in the state army, and his lackeys. Louis orchestrated the attack, and his captain, Klinger, was the one who ignored my father's pleas for aid. The pieces came together after he sent an entire squadron of soldiers - myself included - into a fortress where a human lay in wait, to have us killed as an example. To show the higher councils in power that the human threat could not be ignored. All of those lives - all those soldiers, the poorest of the poor who joined the army not for glory, but often just because it was the only way to survive - thrown away in the name of Louis' larger aims. And all of the people of Halia, killed for Klinger and his own grab for power.
He'd already had several others in the mines where we were escaping killed as an example, to attempt to capture myself and his highness as "stragglers", so that we couldn't tell the world what he did. In that moment, when I was most driven to stop the man who had destroyed my entire world from harming anyone else, in the name of my people, I pulled the resonant vessel from my chest.
Every anxiety and fear I had was about my home. How powerless and foolish I was, how I couldn't help the people who lived there. How all I wanted to do was protect them, or at least save others from the scourge of humans, in hopes another city would never been.
And... I awakened to the Warrior as well. [ his hand touches his heart again now, this time resting there. ] It's something you and I have in common.
Louis - the guy in the tournament? And people really liked him as a candidate?
[ realistically they probably didn't know any better than strohl did until that very moment, but still? it seems like that guy's done so much shit that it should've caught up with him eventually.
there is a flash of surprise in his expression, eyes widening briefly, at learning they had the same archetype. and he... honestly still has some mixed feelings about it? given their stances on justice.
but, all the same, ] I'm sorry about your family. And your village. It's bullshit that they were allowed to get away with that for so long.
...It does sound a little similar. [ a little. ] When that human - when it ate me, I saw this weird vision of the UG, of being summoned to an erasure like we would have been in the Reaper's Game. Only it was Alex up for erasure, and Jonas supposed to do it. All I wanted to do was stop it, and keep them both safe, but I wasn't able to do anything but watch. And I was so angry that I couldn't. [ ... ] Which wasn't much different from Shinjuku, I guess, except it was those two. My team.
I still don't know how much it fits me. I never thought of myself as a fighter like that.
anyway, strohl dips his head in thanks to the apology, serious but genuine. ] Thank you. [ genuine. it's hard to really discuss the enormity of that loss for too long, and he won't touch on it, focusing on what's easier - the explanation, the anger, and listening to kazuki in response. ]
People loved him. That's the thing. He was their saviour - no one knew he was summoning the humans, only that he was the one who would slay them. He promised equality for those in need, a world where the strong survived - but a maxim like that means the weak would be eliminated, too. Whomever was deemed weak.
[ so. not so different than adonis, in the end. a similar cause, a similar beating heart, and thus - a similar archetype. he shakes his head, hand falling away from the heart. ]
...In the end, I don't think it's about being a fighter. I think it's about that exact feeling you crystallised - it's about being powerless. The warrior is not powerless, by any means - but he has to learn to wield his anger, fear, and anxiety to serve and protect those in need of protecting, instead of as a chain to hold him back.
Wait, he didn't just set it up, he's actually summoning those things? [ you can do that?? what the fuck? what the fuck!!!!! ] What a dick. I hope he got his ass kicked.
[ not quite the same as adonis... but still something that couldn't possibly sustain itself in the long run. something that would destroy lives and maybe even take the whole world with it. ]
...Maybe. That's not really something I've ever been able to do. [ ... ] Too bad we can't here, either.
We're working on it. [ in the process of ass kicking, at least. unfortunately, now he and hulkenberg are here! there's a beat, though, and he exhales out a laugh, running his hand through his hair, good natured. ]
Too right, though. [ god he'd love to go warrior and just destroy this place it'd be awesome. ] This place puts limits down for a reason - we'd be able to knock it all down if we could just figure out how to lift them in time.
[ ... ]
It was something you did there - that still matters. Don't lose sight of that. Whether you can access the actual power or not, being able to harness those things'll - fear, anxiety, anger - it'll still help you, in the end.
[ he'd said much of the same when wis'adel was trying to accuse him of projecting onto her. i have no shame in admitting that I'm afraid. for the future, the present, and all those that we strive for. It's a part of me as much as anything else is. ]
Then good luck. Someone doing that deserves to have their teeth punched in.
[ not necessarily as a matter of justice, just for being a huge dick. ]
Maybe if they'd at least given us something else to work with. [ once again, he reaches for his psych, willing it to at least turn him invisible, prove it's still there, and of course... nothing. ] They knew we'd be angry, and they know we'd fight back, if we could. But this is how these stupid things work.
[ as for anger. he still looks a little unsure. it's always been his weak point; turning it into a strength still seems... odd. but maybe that's just because he's from a world where that shouldn't even be possible. ]
[ he full out snorts at the first part because my god YEAH he does. louis deserves it so bad it's not even funny. he is just such a villain's villain. if evil... why sexy though... ]
Yeah. Course, right? [ ugh. the powers thing. ugh, the shitty auditors. ] I was able to at least... I could use it, a bit, at the last place. Couldn't take on the full transformation, but I'd not had my sword then, so I was able to use my archetype's. We had to find a way to break the machine, but once we did, our powers were returned to us proper. My hope's that we'll be able to do that again. Just have to find the key to it.
[ and play along until then, which is the part that sucks the most, but it's not something he's unfamiliar with.
though strohl just makes a quiet noise in agreement at the end, he studies kazuki for a long moment. there's nothing judgemental or anything - he's just looking. seeing a reflection of an angry young man, seven years ago, for a moment in time. ]
...It's definitely not a cure-all, I'll tell you that much. Something I've had to work at before and after, but - becoming aware of it did something for me, too.
I don't always like the person that I am when I lose my temper. Sometimes, it's right. Sometimes, I could muck things up beyond all recognition because I couldn't keep my mouth closed. But... it's part of what powers me forward. Complacency begets tyranny. Lord knows I'll never, ever, fall down that particular road.
[ for better or for worse - he might be angry and impassioned, he might blow his top or say something too smart-mouthed to the wrong person, but he'll never just lay down and take it, and that's something he can be proud of. ]
Nothing like that happened for us... We had our psychs, and that's it. Anyone's abilities only came back after the Game ended. Might be easier if all of you could get your powers back, though.
[ how convenient to not be a normie. ]
...I wouldn't say I've ever been complacent, and I've always had a temper. I almost fucked up my team because of it. [ something he'll always feel awful for, he thinks. ] It's still a little hard imagining that it could be a good thing, after that. But if it means they'll be safe, that's all I need to know.
[ there's a bit of a smile, there - on being complacent, because, yeah. they're both warriors. there's no way either of them could be, he thinks. the flip side of anger is passion. you don't sit down and take it when there's something you could do to set things right.
and - ooh, ooh does he understand that feeling, too. empathetic - he smiles a little, lopsided. ] ... Yeah. I've been there, too. Worst part is the after, when you come back down a notch. Have to look at all the impacts you had when you didn't have your head on straight.
I think what I've had to come to terms with is that it can be both. A good thing and a bad one. Answer's not always black and white, in the end. Nothing ever is.
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[ tiredly reaches for the sandwich with a bit of a wince. ]
None of that's your fault. It's what happens with these things - missions, adventures, whatever you want to call them. [ he stares down at the package for a moment, eyes haunted. ] I'm never going to forget that thing.
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he's quiet for a moment, nudging the water and sandwich closer so he doesn't have to reach far, and speaks with a low gravel in his voice, serious. ]
... It was months ago for me, and yet, I feel the same.
[ martira, that is. homo jaluzo, joanna, all of it - of all the parts of the tournament, it's one of the ones that still keeps him up at night. not just the creature itself, but its story. the horrors of grief, and what it can do to someone's psyche. ] It was Martira, yeah? So I heard from Ace, at least.
...Humans are always monstrosities, but... in particular, that one was a nightmare.
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[ a nod. every time he blinks, he swears he can see that horrible face again, the tongue that reaching for him, dragging him in rip him apart with jagged teeth. just as bad, perhaps, as the piles and piles of children's bones and toys scattered around the dungeon. ]
"Nightmare" is a good word for it. It'll definitely be in mine. [ he takes a long, slow breath, wincing at even the small movement of his chest. still not fully healed. ] If they're really always like that, it's no wonder Hikari-san tried to warn us off.
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[ grim in agreement, because - yeah. man. homo jaluza's one of the worst of the worst, and strohl's own trauma with humans is bad enough. ]
'fraid that's not a name I recognise. [ though hikari and strohl would probably get along like a house on fire... sword nobility......... ] Though perhaps he was looking out for you, it takes a great deal of courage to stand up to a human. There's nothing wrong with feeling that you've faced something horrible, or being horrified by it. Lord knows I am, and still am, but... you've yet made it out onto the other side. And that's something very few can say, in Euchronia.
[ his eyes sweep the room, briefly. is his resonant vessel around? ]
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He was in the Reaper's Game with me and Nanase. That's... kind of what he said. That most didn't survive fighting those things, but the tournament would make people try, anyway. He said it was "ambitious, but foolish."
[ his resonant vessel is here! pulsing in tbd colors on a table beside the bed, where he can keep it close and in sight. ]
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[ yeah. to say the least - taking on humans is a david and goliath fight, though... from what he's heard from the others, there's a reason they made it through. there's sympathy that flickers across his face as he describes his world (one full of monsters of a different type, if kazuki's anger the other day was any indicator) but he nods to the vessel, after a long moment. ]
But, suppose it's the attitude of one with the heart of a hero king, too. Fortune favours the bold. [ a little softer; he glances back at kazuki again. ] You awakened, right?
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...Yeah.
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he smiles a little, even at the brief hesitance - tired, sure, but his words are genuine: ] 's a pretty big deal, you know? Not many people that know about archetypes, let alone utilise them. Says a lot about you.
Might I ask which one?
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I still don't think I get it, either. All I wanted was to help them. Nothing else mattered.
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...
and then he laughs, once, a soft huff of a noise as he rubs the back of his neck. of course, right? he caught onto it when kazuki was so furious last week, that they're cut from a very, very similar cloth. absently, strohl's hand comes up and briefly touches against the front of his own chest, curling in his jabot. ]
...Well. Suppose I could tell you how it was for me, if that'd help. [ though he won't do so without permission - kazuki had mentioned being talked at before, so he doesn't want to push that further, either. ] Considering.
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...Sure. Okay.
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[ a pause. he shakes his head. ]
... Seven years ago, my village was razed to the ground in an attack by a human - the very first one. And my parents - the nobles of the land - called for reinforcements from the state army when we were attacked, in hopes that they could fight off the human with support, but none ever came, and Halia burned.
[ though strohl is calm, his words here are impassioned - the delivery is slow, but there's an anger underneath them, something old. ]
I learned the reason for why no reinforcements came was at the behest of Count Louis, a general in the state army, and his lackeys. Louis orchestrated the attack, and his captain, Klinger, was the one who ignored my father's pleas for aid. The pieces came together after he sent an entire squadron of soldiers - myself included - into a fortress where a human lay in wait, to have us killed as an example. To show the higher councils in power that the human threat could not be ignored. All of those lives - all those soldiers, the poorest of the poor who joined the army not for glory, but often just because it was the only way to survive - thrown away in the name of Louis' larger aims. And all of the people of Halia, killed for Klinger and his own grab for power.
He'd already had several others in the mines where we were escaping killed as an example, to attempt to capture myself and his highness as "stragglers", so that we couldn't tell the world what he did. In that moment, when I was most driven to stop the man who had destroyed my entire world from harming anyone else, in the name of my people, I pulled the resonant vessel from my chest.
Every anxiety and fear I had was about my home. How powerless and foolish I was, how I couldn't help the people who lived there. How all I wanted to do was protect them, or at least save others from the scourge of humans, in hopes another city would never been.
And... I awakened to the Warrior as well. [ his hand touches his heart again now, this time resting there. ] It's something you and I have in common.
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[ realistically they probably didn't know any better than strohl did until that very moment, but still? it seems like that guy's done so much shit that it should've caught up with him eventually.
there is a flash of surprise in his expression, eyes widening briefly, at learning they had the same archetype. and he... honestly still has some mixed feelings about it? given their stances on justice.
but, all the same, ] I'm sorry about your family. And your village. It's bullshit that they were allowed to get away with that for so long.
...It does sound a little similar. [ a little. ] When that human - when it ate me, I saw this weird vision of the UG, of being summoned to an erasure like we would have been in the Reaper's Game. Only it was Alex up for erasure, and Jonas supposed to do it. All I wanted to do was stop it, and keep them both safe, but I wasn't able to do anything but watch. And I was so angry that I couldn't. [ ... ] Which wasn't much different from Shinjuku, I guess, except it was those two. My team.
I still don't know how much it fits me. I never thought of myself as a fighter like that.
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anyway, strohl dips his head in thanks to the apology, serious but genuine. ] Thank you. [ genuine. it's hard to really discuss the enormity of that loss for too long, and he won't touch on it, focusing on what's easier - the explanation, the anger, and listening to kazuki in response. ]
People loved him. That's the thing. He was their saviour - no one knew he was summoning the humans, only that he was the one who would slay them. He promised equality for those in need, a world where the strong survived - but a maxim like that means the weak would be eliminated, too. Whomever was deemed weak.
[ so. not so different than adonis, in the end. a similar cause, a similar beating heart, and thus - a similar archetype. he shakes his head, hand falling away from the heart. ]
...In the end, I don't think it's about being a fighter. I think it's about that exact feeling you crystallised - it's about being powerless. The warrior is not powerless, by any means - but he has to learn to wield his anger, fear, and anxiety to serve and protect those in need of protecting, instead of as a chain to hold him back.
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[ not quite the same as adonis... but still something that couldn't possibly sustain itself in the long run. something that would destroy lives and maybe even take the whole world with it. ]
...Maybe. That's not really something I've ever been able to do. [ ... ] Too bad we can't here, either.
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We're working on it. [ in the process of ass kicking, at least. unfortunately, now he and hulkenberg are here! there's a beat, though, and he exhales out a laugh, running his hand through his hair, good natured. ]
Too right, though. [ god he'd love to go warrior and just destroy this place it'd be awesome. ] This place puts limits down for a reason - we'd be able to knock it all down if we could just figure out how to lift them in time.
[ ... ]
It was something you did there - that still matters. Don't lose sight of that. Whether you can access the actual power or not, being able to harness those things'll - fear, anxiety, anger - it'll still help you, in the end.
[ he'd said much of the same when wis'adel was trying to accuse him of projecting onto her. i have no shame in admitting that I'm afraid. for the future, the present, and all those that we strive for. It's a part of me as much as anything else is. ]
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[ not necessarily as a matter of justice, just for being a huge dick. ]
Maybe if they'd at least given us something else to work with. [ once again, he reaches for his psych, willing it to at least turn him invisible, prove it's still there, and of course... nothing. ] They knew we'd be angry, and they know we'd fight back, if we could. But this is how these stupid things work.
[ as for anger. he still looks a little unsure. it's always been his weak point; turning it into a strength still seems... odd. but maybe that's just because he's from a world where that shouldn't even be possible. ]
...I guess we'll see what happens.
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Yeah. Course, right? [ ugh. the powers thing. ugh, the shitty auditors. ] I was able to at least... I could use it, a bit, at the last place. Couldn't take on the full transformation, but I'd not had my sword then, so I was able to use my archetype's. We had to find a way to break the machine, but once we did, our powers were returned to us proper. My hope's that we'll be able to do that again. Just have to find the key to it.
[ and play along until then, which is the part that sucks the most, but it's not something he's unfamiliar with.
though strohl just makes a quiet noise in agreement at the end, he studies kazuki for a long moment. there's nothing judgemental or anything - he's just looking. seeing a reflection of an angry young man, seven years ago, for a moment in time. ]
...It's definitely not a cure-all, I'll tell you that much. Something I've had to work at before and after, but - becoming aware of it did something for me, too.
I don't always like the person that I am when I lose my temper. Sometimes, it's right. Sometimes, I could muck things up beyond all recognition because I couldn't keep my mouth closed. But... it's part of what powers me forward. Complacency begets tyranny. Lord knows I'll never, ever, fall down that particular road.
[ for better or for worse - he might be angry and impassioned, he might blow his top or say something too smart-mouthed to the wrong person, but he'll never just lay down and take it, and that's something he can be proud of. ]
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Nothing like that happened for us... We had our psychs, and that's it. Anyone's abilities only came back after the Game ended. Might be easier if all of you could get your powers back, though.
[ how convenient to not be a normie. ]
...I wouldn't say I've ever been complacent, and I've always had a temper. I almost fucked up my team because of it. [ something he'll always feel awful for, he thinks. ] It's still a little hard imagining that it could be a good thing, after that. But if it means they'll be safe, that's all I need to know.
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[ there's a bit of a smile, there - on being complacent, because, yeah. they're both warriors. there's no way either of them could be, he thinks. the flip side of anger is passion. you don't sit down and take it when there's something you could do to set things right.
and - ooh, ooh does he understand that feeling, too. empathetic - he smiles a little, lopsided. ] ... Yeah. I've been there, too. Worst part is the after, when you come back down a notch. Have to look at all the impacts you had when you didn't have your head on straight.
I think what I've had to come to terms with is that it can be both. A good thing and a bad one. Answer's not always black and white, in the end. Nothing ever is.
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[ happens to him a lot. ]
It’d be a lot easier if it was black and white.