[ because he knows that look - venom and balled fists. he's done it himself. he nearly ruined a plan that had been in motion for weeks because he couldn't keep his fucking temper, once. because he knows how it feels to be so angry about something that it's rooted bone deep inside of you, twisted into your ribcage.
for him, justice was the way out. for kazuki, that word, he thinks, might be the root cause.]
[ well. that explains some things, but kazuki only flexes his fists at his sides. at least until strohl keeps talking, and his expression shifts with a snarl. ]
he will do that, aiming at an arm or his chest. somewhere easy, not meant to really hurt, even if he could hurt a seasoned fighter like this. just once, then he turns away, pacing, hands in his hair in sheer frustration. ]
None of that's your fault, either!
[ this all makes him feel like such a child, but the anger already has its claws in him, and it isn't letting go. ]
[ yeah - he feels the hit and takes it easy. it doesn't hurt at all, and that resonates, too. he knows that. to not want to hurt others that bad when they're not the target, even in the moment of fury. ]
You're right, it's not. [ his fault. surprisingly, maybe, he's calm. because that's always what he needed, too - an outlet. he needed somewhere to pour the gasoline, the melancholia. ] Whose is it?
Justice. All four of them, and - and everyone who told us we couldn't do anything. Adonis. Everyone who uses "justice" as an excuse to condemn someone else as if they have the right to judge anyone else, as if they're better than everyone else. Like they're free of any wrongdoing, and it excuses them from hurting as many people as they want.
Ten months of this shit and not a single thing has changed. I don't know why I thought it might be different just because we've all been here before.
[ this helps, a lot - it gets down to the root of the issue, right away. ]
An organisation. [ he says, soft, in understanding. this "adonis", then - seeking justice. sounds like from the wrong side of the law.
and as kazuki carries on, he listens faithfully, hears out his fury - watches him pace, too, back and forth, caged animal angry. familiar. and honestly? he gets it! more than you might think. ]
...You've a correct viewpoint. [ strohl says after a moment, ] Anyone who claims justice is one who faces the ugly side of it as much as the righteous one. And righteous is subjective - you've got that right, too. People will trample over each other for the sake of a cause with no mercy.
[ god knows that's what happened at home. his sin and fear tattoo on his shoulder shows through his shirt. Halia. ]
It's no excuse, either, no matter where it comes from. Harm's still harm. Just the same as Her Highness likely still killed - [ killed his best friend, and it makes him trip here, pause, before he rights the words again properly: ] - still killed Vi, possessed, afflicted, or otherwise, it doesn't change the fact that she did it.
[ none of this should even make sense, to anyone listening. he's not naming anyone except adonis, but their faces, those texts - they're still fresh in his mind, barely three or four weeks ago now. and adonis he couldn't forget even if he tried, after eight months of terrorizing his city.
he drops his hands from his hair, lets them flex again and he tries to walk out the excess energy that even playing a song couldn't quite ease. alex and jonas would understand. his alex and jonas - maybe the ones here, too, in time, but right now he misses his team. and on his own arm, his own tattoo still glows a violent red as it had at the end of the trial: losing everyone.
his voice is still sharp, no less angry. ] No sense of justice is valid in these stupid games, and it's a joke to try and say it is. Holding someone accountable for a crime they didn't even choose to commit is just a farce.
[ there's a point where they disagree. the fear on his arm is such a tempering reminder, though, and he thinks about it for a moment - stays calm, even. kazuki can be angry, as angry as he wants, because strohl's seeing a reflection of himself. ]
I don't think that's necessarily the case. Sometimes. Not always.
[ he sits back on his heels a little - hand coming to his chin. thoughtful. ]
Someone wise told me recently that there is merit in pursuing ugly truth. That looking away from it here, especially, is a cruelty: I find that I agree. I've not ever been taken by an affliction like that - but I know if I were the one who harmed someone else because I was manipulated, I'd want the truth to be exposed.
Wiser still, they said justice - whatever you want to call it. Justice, truth, what have you - can go hand in hand with empathy. You can feel for someone's pain and misery, and look what they did in the eye. Something I struggle with, myself.
[ ... ]
I'd like to tell you why I fight what I fight for. If you'd listen.
I never said I'm afraid of the truth. I said it's different.
[ frustrating, to feel like he's not being heard. but that isn't new, is it? for years his family's ignored his thoughts and what he cared about, and even in the UG, they were told to just sit tight and bear it. don't do anything. wait to die, if necessary. ]
I apologise. Genuinely. I don't think you're afraid at all.
[ there's a beat - he rubs the back of his neck, and sighs. ]
...Need you to give me a little grace, here, man. Not a lot - not asking for a lot of it, just a little. I'm not trying to hurt you, or assume anything - it's the total opposite. I want to hear your perspective.
[ makes a noncommittal sound - not accepting the apology, not rejecting it. ]
I thought you wanted to talk at me.
[ sorry he's just. he doesn't have a lot of patience to spare right now but he's not actively yelling, so that's probably a plus. he's used to be talked at, anyway? what's the difference here. ]
[ not with that attitude is the snarky thing to say, but he wisely keeps that clamped shut and goes the better route, which is the not at all snarky -]
No one likes being talked at.
[ with a little shrug. god knows he doesn't like listening to people he hates pontificate about their causes. louis loves a good monologue and strohl hates him. ]
And I already told you. "Justice" is a joke. What more do you want from me?
[ still sharp, but some of the heat has faded from his voice. his tone is more cautious now - uncertain, unwilling to give too much to someone he doesn't expect to really hear him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
What? Why?
[ still sharp, full of venom, hands balled into fists at his sides. but he doesn't make a move. ]
no subject
[ because he knows that look - venom and balled fists. he's done it himself. he nearly ruined a plan that had been in motion for weeks because he couldn't keep his fucking temper, once. because he knows how it feels to be so angry about something that it's rooted bone deep inside of you, twisted into your ribcage.
for him, justice was the way out. for kazuki, that word, he thinks, might be the root cause.]
Come on.
no subject
[ bitterly, because nothing ever does. ]
You're not even the one responsible for all this shit. What good would it do?
no subject
[ that was me... looks away. anyway. he rolls his shoulder back, resting his other hand on it for a moment. ]
But it helped.
[ a beat. ] And besides - you're mad at me. Or, rather, you've been angry with something I stood for. Anders stood for it too. Am I right?
no subject
"Justice."
no subject
Let me have it. [ whether it's a thrown punch or the reason why. he'd take either. ] It's hurt you.
no subject
he will do that, aiming at an arm or his chest. somewhere easy, not meant to really hurt, even if he could hurt a seasoned fighter like this. just once, then he turns away, pacing, hands in his hair in sheer frustration. ]
None of that's your fault, either!
[ this all makes him feel like such a child, but the anger already has its claws in him, and it isn't letting go. ]
no subject
You're right, it's not. [ his fault. surprisingly, maybe, he's calm. because that's always what he needed, too - an outlet. he needed somewhere to pour the gasoline, the melancholia. ] Whose is it?
no subject
Justice. All four of them, and - and everyone who told us we couldn't do anything. Adonis. Everyone who uses "justice" as an excuse to condemn someone else as if they have the right to judge anyone else, as if they're better than everyone else. Like they're free of any wrongdoing, and it excuses them from hurting as many people as they want.
Ten months of this shit and not a single thing has changed. I don't know why I thought it might be different just because we've all been here before.
no subject
An organisation. [ he says, soft, in understanding. this "adonis", then - seeking justice. sounds like from the wrong side of the law.
and as kazuki carries on, he listens faithfully, hears out his fury - watches him pace, too, back and forth, caged animal angry. familiar. and honestly? he gets it! more than you might think. ]
...You've a correct viewpoint. [ strohl says after a moment, ] Anyone who claims justice is one who faces the ugly side of it as much as the righteous one. And righteous is subjective - you've got that right, too. People will trample over each other for the sake of a cause with no mercy.
[ god knows that's what happened at home. his sin and fear tattoo on his shoulder shows through his shirt. Halia. ]
It's no excuse, either, no matter where it comes from. Harm's still harm. Just the same as Her Highness likely still killed - [ killed his best friend, and it makes him trip here, pause, before he rights the words again properly: ] - still killed Vi, possessed, afflicted, or otherwise, it doesn't change the fact that she did it.
no subject
he drops his hands from his hair, lets them flex again and he tries to walk out the excess energy that even playing a song couldn't quite ease. alex and jonas would understand. his alex and jonas - maybe the ones here, too, in time, but right now he misses his team. and on his own arm, his own tattoo still glows a violent red as it had at the end of the trial: losing everyone.
his voice is still sharp, no less angry. ] No sense of justice is valid in these stupid games, and it's a joke to try and say it is. Holding someone accountable for a crime they didn't even choose to commit is just a farce.
no subject
What about the truth?
no subject
no subject
[ calm, still. ]
For both victims - the one attacked, and the one manipulated. And, I'm not speaking of the voting system, or the executions, or any of that.
no subject
no subject
[ he sits back on his heels a little - hand coming to his chin. thoughtful. ]
Someone wise told me recently that there is merit in pursuing ugly truth. That looking away from it here, especially, is a cruelty: I find that I agree. I've not ever been taken by an affliction like that - but I know if I were the one who harmed someone else because I was manipulated, I'd want the truth to be exposed.
Wiser still, they said justice - whatever you want to call it. Justice, truth, what have you - can go hand in hand with empathy. You can feel for someone's pain and misery, and look what they did in the eye. Something I struggle with, myself.
[ ... ]
I'd like to tell you why I fight what I fight for. If you'd listen.
no subject
[ frustrating, to feel like he's not being heard. but that isn't new, is it? for years his family's ignored his thoughts and what he cared about, and even in the UG, they were told to just sit tight and bear it. don't do anything. wait to die, if necessary. ]
Say what you want.
[ with the tone of you will, anyway. ]
no subject
Sorry, that's - I wasn't trying to say you were afraid. I apologise.
no subject
no subject
[ there's a beat - he rubs the back of his neck, and sighs. ]
...Need you to give me a little grace, here, man. Not a lot - not asking for a lot of it, just a little. I'm not trying to hurt you, or assume anything - it's the total opposite. I want to hear your perspective.
no subject
I thought you wanted to talk at me.
[ sorry he's just. he doesn't have a lot of patience to spare right now but he's not actively yelling, so that's probably a plus. he's used to be talked at, anyway? what's the difference here. ]
no subject
No one likes being talked at.
[ with a little shrug. god knows he doesn't like listening to people he hates pontificate about their causes. louis loves a good monologue and strohl hates him. ]
So, no. I'm not.
no subject
So, what, you want me to talk at you instead?
no subject
[ not at. he raises his eyebrows when kazuki glances over, expression easy in response to suspicion. ]
Just said I wanted to hear your perspective, didn't I? [ lighter, not snarky. ] I don't say things I don't mean.
no subject
[ still sharp, but some of the heat has faded from his voice. his tone is more cautious now - uncertain, unwilling to give too much to someone he doesn't expect to really hear him. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)