I don't think that's necessarily the case. Sometimes. Not always.
[ he sits back on his heels a little - hand coming to his chin. thoughtful. ]
Someone wise told me recently that there is merit in pursuing ugly truth. That looking away from it here, especially, is a cruelty: I find that I agree. I've not ever been taken by an affliction like that - but I know if I were the one who harmed someone else because I was manipulated, I'd want the truth to be exposed.
Wiser still, they said justice - whatever you want to call it. Justice, truth, what have you - can go hand in hand with empathy. You can feel for someone's pain and misery, and look what they did in the eye. Something I struggle with, myself.
[ ... ]
I'd like to tell you why I fight what I fight for. If you'd listen.
I never said I'm afraid of the truth. I said it's different.
[ frustrating, to feel like he's not being heard. but that isn't new, is it? for years his family's ignored his thoughts and what he cared about, and even in the UG, they were told to just sit tight and bear it. don't do anything. wait to die, if necessary. ]
I apologise. Genuinely. I don't think you're afraid at all.
[ there's a beat - he rubs the back of his neck, and sighs. ]
...Need you to give me a little grace, here, man. Not a lot - not asking for a lot of it, just a little. I'm not trying to hurt you, or assume anything - it's the total opposite. I want to hear your perspective.
[ makes a noncommittal sound - not accepting the apology, not rejecting it. ]
I thought you wanted to talk at me.
[ sorry he's just. he doesn't have a lot of patience to spare right now but he's not actively yelling, so that's probably a plus. he's used to be talked at, anyway? what's the difference here. ]
[ not with that attitude is the snarky thing to say, but he wisely keeps that clamped shut and goes the better route, which is the not at all snarky -]
No one likes being talked at.
[ with a little shrug. god knows he doesn't like listening to people he hates pontificate about their causes. louis loves a good monologue and strohl hates him. ]
And I already told you. "Justice" is a joke. What more do you want from me?
[ still sharp, but some of the heat has faded from his voice. his tone is more cautious now - uncertain, unwilling to give too much to someone he doesn't expect to really hear him. ]
[ don't rankle - don't. that's the thing about listening. it's what he's learned to do, spending time with the prince, with his team, it's something he consciously, actively has worked on, and something he's made a concerted effort to stay true to.
he considers the question, gives it its due weight. what does he want... ] ...I suppose I'd like to know why. What you faced - you mentioned Adonis, and some who told you you could do nothing. What happened?
[ he has been listening even! money where his mouth is. ]
Adonis is from home. [ turning away to walk again, scowling. ] Before the Reaper's Game, they'd been killing people for months, saying it's "judgment" for sinners. Justice. No unpunished crimes - even the crime of being related to a police officer.
[ there's more to it than that he doesn't say. it's relevant, of course, but it's likely not what strohl is going for. ]
And Team Justice. [ he says their name like a curse. ] Killed Setsu, claimed they'd "find justice" for them, used us as an example for their own fucked up team, and then wouldn't even face us after they got away with it!
[ hot anger building in his voice again with every word, every offense, fists balled so tight that his knuckles turn white. ]
[ wow, that explains so much, actually, because, well - as kazuki gets more and more angry, turned away, he won't see the way strohl's expression changes, slowly growing more and more thunderous.
full of fury. empathetic, righteous fury, and it comes out of his mouth like a whip. ]
-- What a mockery that is. [ a mockery of what it means to be just. he sounds scathing. ] Some sort of - hell bent eradication of innocents - and a group of liars, both wearing the cause of justice as a mask. All two-faced talk, where they claim righteous and lie about it the second you look away to save their own skins? Couldn't even own up to it?
Despicable. [ kazuki will feel that same sense, that strohl is just as mad as he is, that genuine rage on his behalf with every biting word - rising, rising. they are similar, and he exhales out as he says it, though his voice stays low with something seething. ] What a ferocious wrong that's been inflicted upon you and yours - I'd find the concept awful, too.
[ it startles him a bit, this fury on someone else's behalf. kazuki pauses his pacing, eyes narrowed, but maybe with a little more confusion than anger, for once in this conversation. he stares at strohl like this for a little too long, mind working fast, gears turning, trying to sort out how react when he's never been given the chance before. ]
That's how "justice" is. That's all it's ever been.
[ in his world, in the reaper's game, here. in other worlds, too, probably.
he turns away, seething. ]
Judgment for the sinners, as if there's a single person alive that hasn't committed some kind of wrongdoing. [ adonis. ] "Don't hold a grudge," no team wipes, let them win. [ team justice. ] "You haven't earned your ending." [ the auditors. ] It's all the damn same no matter where it is.
[ and there's never a single thing he can do about it. ]
[ he says, after a moment - still just as sharp. as kazuki turns, he can see it rippling all over his face. genuine, real fury, a deeply empathetic understanding.
it's not justice, is the thing. it's a farcical idea of it, it's people using the concept as an excuse. this alone has all the insight he needs into kazuki's thought process, but more than that, it's exactly the sort of thing strohl hates, too. his idea of justice is so violently incongruent with either of those concepts that it's like nails on a chalkboard - he doesn't say anything about it though, because he's listening, and. well. he's mad too, now. mad on kazuki's behalf. ]
None of those things are right in any sense of the word.
[ glaring at an inconspicuous spot on a wall, trying to parse that expression. anger, he knows well. empathy... is another story. only a handful have ever even tried to offer him that, and he honestly doesn't know what to do with it now. this isn't even someone he trusts. not his team, not nahida, not zelda or kaveh. ]
Maybe not. Doesn't change anything about it, though.
[ there's still nothing they can do, and yelling about justice only feels like salt in the wound. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ he sits back on his heels a little - hand coming to his chin. thoughtful. ]
Someone wise told me recently that there is merit in pursuing ugly truth. That looking away from it here, especially, is a cruelty: I find that I agree. I've not ever been taken by an affliction like that - but I know if I were the one who harmed someone else because I was manipulated, I'd want the truth to be exposed.
Wiser still, they said justice - whatever you want to call it. Justice, truth, what have you - can go hand in hand with empathy. You can feel for someone's pain and misery, and look what they did in the eye. Something I struggle with, myself.
[ ... ]
I'd like to tell you why I fight what I fight for. If you'd listen.
no subject
[ frustrating, to feel like he's not being heard. but that isn't new, is it? for years his family's ignored his thoughts and what he cared about, and even in the UG, they were told to just sit tight and bear it. don't do anything. wait to die, if necessary. ]
Say what you want.
[ with the tone of you will, anyway. ]
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Sorry, that's - I wasn't trying to say you were afraid. I apologise.
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[ there's a beat - he rubs the back of his neck, and sighs. ]
...Need you to give me a little grace, here, man. Not a lot - not asking for a lot of it, just a little. I'm not trying to hurt you, or assume anything - it's the total opposite. I want to hear your perspective.
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I thought you wanted to talk at me.
[ sorry he's just. he doesn't have a lot of patience to spare right now but he's not actively yelling, so that's probably a plus. he's used to be talked at, anyway? what's the difference here. ]
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No one likes being talked at.
[ with a little shrug. god knows he doesn't like listening to people he hates pontificate about their causes. louis loves a good monologue and strohl hates him. ]
So, no. I'm not.
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So, what, you want me to talk at you instead?
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[ not at. he raises his eyebrows when kazuki glances over, expression easy in response to suspicion. ]
Just said I wanted to hear your perspective, didn't I? [ lighter, not snarky. ] I don't say things I don't mean.
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[ still sharp, but some of the heat has faded from his voice. his tone is more cautious now - uncertain, unwilling to give too much to someone he doesn't expect to really hear him. ]
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he considers the question, gives it its due weight. what does he want... ] ...I suppose I'd like to know why. What you faced - you mentioned Adonis, and some who told you you could do nothing. What happened?
[ he has been listening even! money where his mouth is. ]
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[ there's more to it than that he doesn't say. it's relevant, of course, but it's likely not what strohl is going for. ]
And Team Justice. [ he says their name like a curse. ] Killed Setsu, claimed they'd "find justice" for them, used us as an example for their own fucked up team, and then wouldn't even face us after they got away with it!
[ hot anger building in his voice again with every word, every offense, fists balled so tight that his knuckles turn white. ]
no subject
full of fury. empathetic, righteous fury, and it comes out of his mouth like a whip. ]
-- What a mockery that is. [ a mockery of what it means to be just. he sounds scathing. ] Some sort of - hell bent eradication of innocents - and a group of liars, both wearing the cause of justice as a mask. All two-faced talk, where they claim righteous and lie about it the second you look away to save their own skins? Couldn't even own up to it?
Despicable. [ kazuki will feel that same sense, that strohl is just as mad as he is, that genuine rage on his behalf with every biting word - rising, rising. they are similar, and he exhales out as he says it, though his voice stays low with something seething. ] What a ferocious wrong that's been inflicted upon you and yours - I'd find the concept awful, too.
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That's how "justice" is. That's all it's ever been.
[ in his world, in the reaper's game, here. in other worlds, too, probably.
he turns away, seething. ]
Judgment for the sinners, as if there's a single person alive that hasn't committed some kind of wrongdoing. [ adonis. ] "Don't hold a grudge," no team wipes, let them win. [ team justice. ] "You haven't earned your ending." [ the auditors. ] It's all the damn same no matter where it is.
[ and there's never a single thing he can do about it. ]
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[ he says, after a moment - still just as sharp. as kazuki turns, he can see it rippling all over his face. genuine, real fury, a deeply empathetic understanding.
it's not justice, is the thing. it's a farcical idea of it, it's people using the concept as an excuse. this alone has all the insight he needs into kazuki's thought process, but more than that, it's exactly the sort of thing strohl hates, too. his idea of justice is so violently incongruent with either of those concepts that it's like nails on a chalkboard - he doesn't say anything about it though, because he's listening, and. well. he's mad too, now. mad on kazuki's behalf. ]
None of those things are right in any sense of the word.
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Maybe not. Doesn't change anything about it, though.
[ there's still nothing they can do, and yelling about justice only feels like salt in the wound. ]