[ that sort of takes him aback, actually, briefly startled - he blinks once, twice, but then shakes his head. he's still - a mess, emotionally, angry and upset and confused and a million other things, but his overwhelming concern for rupert won all that over, and - ]
-- With all due respect, I've spent enough time watching from a distance, the past week.
[ What little good I could possibly do, even now. ]
... Rupert. [ this time, it's softer - sort of hoarsely, and he catches up to him easily, immediately reaching out to set his hands on his shoulders, search his face like he'll find an answer there. the expression on his face is somewhere between shock and deep concern, and this horrible, dawning moment of something building.
a pause. he swallows. ]
... I know you didn't, it's - it's alright, it's fine. Anyone's emotions would be high. Tell me what you're feeling right now.
well he doesn't even fucking hesitate - he just sweeps him up into a hug? there's no room for arguing, he doesn't care if he's tense, he doesn't care if he's angry, if he's not himself, he does not care. strohl can't even say anything, but rupert can probably feel there's a tremor that goes through him, hands curling tight. Not - damn it, no, not you, no - ]
[ half growled, though he would never actually do this in a MILLION years but it's helping him not have a panic attack to say so. instead, he shifts his hold while he's being a weak nerd and starts rifling his hand through his hair like he's a fussy child where the others were feeling around. ]
I'm not going to do that, and I'm not letting you go, either. Snap out of it, Rupert, let me see -
[ hHHRHGHGHGHGH I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Damn this place - damn this bloody -
a pause. he knows from rosamund there must be precious, precious little time like this - he doesn't pull away far, just by the shoulders, just enough to look at him. his eyes are wet, flashing with a thousand emotions of bitter anger and despair and heartbroken, utter, worry as he sucks in a sharp breath and meets his eyes. ]
-- I'll stand guard. [ compromise, said with such intensity. ] All night, I swear it, wherever you'll stay, I'll stay by the door.
[ oooooghghghgh he looks mad, like he wants to say something at that, expression immediately souring, but rupert's trying to keep his calm and strohl can't be the reason he loses it again. so instead, low and fierce: ]
I've no obligation, and I know what I offer. [ and with that, strohl finally forces himself to pull back, rubs his hands across his eyes, jittering in place as he takes in a deep breath of his own. Damn this place, damn this place. ] I'm not going to let anyone harm you. They can shout if they want.
[ compromise is the best he can offer. ] Should - do you want me to tell...
...I won't let you harm anyone, either. In any way I can help it.
[ there's more to that than just physically - that he'll go with him to guard not just rupert from others, but others from rupert, too. he gets it, painfully, intimately. he died because he didn't want to hurt someone else when he had no control. ]
We'll go anywhere quiet. Maybe the first terminal, away from the others. I'll get a bag, get your things and mine. Ride out the night.
You'll find I'm an adept defender in many regards.
[ there's a little bit of a smile, there, just barely. ]
I stand by you because of the person that you are, not because of what these places have tried to make of you. If you put your faith in me, then you have me. Simple as that - no gratitude necessary.
[ as his thoughts filter through though he nods, expression hardening once more. ]
... I'll head down to the lounge and let them know - Tell me where to go, and I'll be there in ten. Alright?
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anyway we can do before strohl's going after him quick - scribbly emotions over his head, just rushing to catch up. ]
-- Rupert.
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anyways he looks over and kind of glares]
What? Is it not obvious that I wanted to be alone?
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-- With all due respect, I've spent enough time watching from a distance, the past week.
[ What little good I could possibly do, even now. ]
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[angrily, before he kind of cuts off and blinks a few times, putting a hand over his mouth for a moment]
...Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean that.
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haha! oh no. No, no- ]
... Rupert. [ this time, it's softer - sort of hoarsely, and he catches up to him easily, immediately reaching out to set his hands on his shoulders, search his face like he'll find an answer there. the expression on his face is somewhere between shock and deep concern, and this horrible, dawning moment of something building.
a pause. he swallows. ]
... I know you didn't, it's - it's alright, it's fine. Anyone's emotions would be high. Tell me what you're feeling right now.
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[rubbing at his eyes suddenly, quickly, voice thick.]
I'm sorry.
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well he doesn't even fucking hesitate - he just sweeps him up into a hug? there's no room for arguing, he doesn't care if he's tense, he doesn't care if he's angry, if he's not himself, he does not care. strohl can't even say anything, but rupert can probably feel there's a tremor that goes through him, hands curling tight. Not - damn it, no, not you, no - ]
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Let go of me! What are you even doing?!
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Same thing you would've done for me had things turned out different, with Hulkenberg.
[ Because it would've been me in your shoes right now. ]
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[IM SORRY STROHL]
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ANYWAY
sharply, still gripping tightly - ]
What did you do.
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[suddenly a fussy cat but he also has weak nerd arms so he's not getting out]
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[ half growled, though he would never actually do this in a MILLION years but it's helping him not have a panic attack to say so. instead, he shifts his hold while he's being a weak nerd and starts rifling his hand through his hair like he's a fussy child where the others were feeling around. ]
I'm not going to do that, and I'm not letting you go, either. Snap out of it, Rupert, let me see -
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[deflates, a little, after stiffening for a second. less frustrated, more anxious:]
Please go.
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Please don't make me leave you. ] I -
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Sorry - no, sorry, you're right. I won't.
[i've already done enough.]
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a pause. he knows from rosamund there must be precious, precious little time like this - he doesn't pull away far, just by the shoulders, just enough to look at him. his eyes are wet, flashing with a thousand emotions of bitter anger and despair and heartbroken, utter, worry as he sucks in a sharp breath and meets his eyes. ]
-- I'll stand guard. [ compromise, said with such intensity. ] All night, I swear it, wherever you'll stay, I'll stay by the door.
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Anywhere - anywhere is fine, it doesn't matter. But you don't have to - I mean. If people want to come in, if people are angry, I get it.
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I've no obligation, and I know what I offer. [ and with that, strohl finally forces himself to pull back, rubs his hands across his eyes, jittering in place as he takes in a deep breath of his own. Damn this place, damn this place. ] I'm not going to let anyone harm you. They can shout if they want.
[ compromise is the best he can offer. ] Should - do you want me to tell...
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[right - right. of course.]
Yeah. Yeah, you can, they deserve to know. [...] I don't know if it's a good idea for me to go back right now, but... Yeah.
[imagine he comes back for the evening and just verbally abuses people all night help]
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...I won't let you harm anyone, either. In any way I can help it.
[ there's more to that than just physically - that he'll go with him to guard not just rupert from others, but others from rupert, too. he gets it, painfully, intimately. he died because he didn't want to hurt someone else when he had no control. ]
We'll go anywhere quiet. Maybe the first terminal, away from the others. I'll get a bag, get your things and mine. Ride out the night.
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That includes you. Just, you know. Don't pay attention to what I say, okay? If it...
[no, i'm sure it's going to start again, there's no if, it's going to.]
Thank you.
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[ there's a little bit of a smile, there, just barely. ]
I stand by you because of the person that you are, not because of what these places have tried to make of you. If you put your faith in me, then you have me. Simple as that - no gratitude necessary.
[ as his thoughts filter through though he nods, expression hardening once more. ]
... I'll head down to the lounge and let them know - Tell me where to go, and I'll be there in ten. Alright?