Jonas said something to me that was... The point is, you're right. I'm sure he knows. The feeling I get is that he would've been more angry if it was someone else doing the same thing, so you're probably right about him taking it better than I would've expected.
[quiet for a moment.]
I don't need to be a better person about it, or anything. I've done things wrong, too. A lot of things. I just...
[do you ever miss the person you had a chance to be before things kept going wrong?]
anyway he doesn't want to focus on any of that other stuff, especially as rupert talks through it - what really gets him is the last part, the part that makes strohl's heart twist in sympathy, in ache. he listens, both to his thoughts and words, and after a long moment of his own, sets his hand gently between his shoulderblades. ]
...yeah. [ softly, at first.
his gone wrong doesn't look like three murdergames because eli is the devil. it looks like home before halia was destroyed, the son he once was, the lost lordling. but, at the same time... ]
Course I do. Think that's natural; just another part of loss, yeah? Just another thing to grieve.
[ ... ]
Don't think there's anything wrong with feeling that way, but... Will always tells me I spend far too much time looking backwards. Can't change what's already happened, no matter how much I regret the things I've done, or the things that've happened, so... maybe that's part of it. Have to be able to mourn it, to be able to move on, eventually. Got to have room to feel those things, if you don't let them take you over.
[another moment of silence, taking all that in, before he takes a breath and nods.]
Yeah. I'm trying, I really am. I think... that'll get easier when I'm out of here. At least the next time something goes wrong, I'll have more I can do about it.
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no subject
Jonas said something to me that was... The point is, you're right. I'm sure he knows. The feeling I get is that he would've been more angry if it was someone else doing the same thing, so you're probably right about him taking it better than I would've expected.
[quiet for a moment.]
I don't need to be a better person about it, or anything. I've done things wrong, too. A lot of things. I just...
[do you ever miss the person you had a chance to be before things kept going wrong?]
no subject
anyway he doesn't want to focus on any of that other stuff, especially as rupert talks through it - what really gets him is the last part, the part that makes strohl's heart twist in sympathy, in ache. he listens, both to his thoughts and words, and after a long moment of his own, sets his hand gently between his shoulderblades. ]
...yeah. [ softly, at first.
his gone wrong doesn't look like three murdergames because eli is the devil. it looks like home before halia was destroyed, the son he once was, the lost lordling. but, at the same time... ]
Course I do. Think that's natural; just another part of loss, yeah? Just another thing to grieve.
[ ... ]
Don't think there's anything wrong with feeling that way, but... Will always tells me I spend far too much time looking backwards. Can't change what's already happened, no matter how much I regret the things I've done, or the things that've happened, so... maybe that's part of it. Have to be able to mourn it, to be able to move on, eventually. Got to have room to feel those things, if you don't let them take you over.
no subject
Yeah. I'm trying, I really am. I think... that'll get easier when I'm out of here. At least the next time something goes wrong, I'll have more I can do about it.