it's fine. also fit check bc i get to take advantage of post cyoa. strohl loved manwol - she's one of his favorite people here, so he's in a fairly grim mood, let alone with everything else - he's been frowning this entire time, though he glances over at rupert and softens a little into worry, instead. ]
...How're you holding up, Rupert? [ considering. ]
[ his voice is soft - rough, wool toned. heavy. ] She's important to me too, and I've not even got the history you two have. A one of a kind woman, to say the least.
[ he'll never ever forget manwol's kindness when vi died - it meant so much to him. losing her and roxana one after another is. hard. heavy.
... ]
I'm not going to let that happen. [ going to mess it up. ] Not if I can help it.
She is. [said easily. after a moment:] Earlier this week, with the memories going on... She hadn't known before what happened to me in the hotel, and when she found out, one of the first things she said to me is that she wished I didn't have to go through that again. And I really wish she didn't have to go through it again either, here.
[rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his palm for a second.]
[ it's around this time that strohl jr hops up next to rupert and presses insistently against his side, trying to cuddle him into feeling better.
strohl watches this for a moment - expression sympathetic, brow furrowing hard. the injustice of it all, to have to go through this over and over and over. it never gets any better. to have to die over and over. ]
I know you will. [ try his best, that is - though he says it softly, he tips his head down to meet rupert's eyes properly, gaze intense. ] I'll be right there beside you the whole time, swear it. The last thing I'll do's allow another repeat - especially not for her.
[ he even told manwol once near the beginning - if you don't want to work in a trial, you can call on me, and i'll come to your aid. he'd be a fool if he couldn't help her one last time. ]
[ there's a little smile to that, actually. warm. nostalgic. fond. ]
World's not always like we want it to be, in the end. It's important to balance being optimistic with reality. [ ... ]
My parents always said any number of maxims, but there's one in particular that's always stuck with me. "Hope is a step behind a clear conscience." It's the idea that no matter what, if we make choices clear-headedly, to the best of our abilities, then we can continue to hope for the best, even if the worst comes.
I swore to Will I'd always be one step behind him, so I could be his hope - because I believe in his clear conscience. And in that same regard... Rupert - I think, truly, you could be nigh anyone's hope.
[going two for two on the days in a row strohl has made him tear up
which is to say - he looks up from the floor to meet his eyes again, surprised and more than a little touched. it's a good kind of teary eyed this time. he blinks a few times with a small smile, warm.]
...Thanks. I, um - I try. [rubs at his eyes for a second. anyways!!!!!] Your parents both sound like they were pretty cool. I'm sure they'd be really, really proud of you.
[ aughghghgh - he returns the smile, though there's something a little bittersweet to it. ]
They were. [ pretty cool - it's a little thick in his throat, as he puts his attention back onto the corn for something to do with his hands. it brings back memories of piltover and the portals for a second, of a village in flames, of reality and falsity melting together. ]
And... I'm not so sure about that. But - if nothing else, I know they'd care that I tried. [ not quite, not yet. maybe he's a noble worthy of his parents, maybe he's not. maybe he'll never be. but in this little moment, he doesn't hate the person that he is at all - a clear conscience, one carefully followed by hope.
he pats around in his comfy clothes for a minute and offers him a handkerchief. like a nerd. here you go, rupert. ] Nevertheless - thank you. I mean what I say, so I hope you will take it to heart, yeah? Here.
he hears that uncertainty along with the tightness in his voice, and when strohl holds out the handkerchief, he takes his hand instead of the fabric so he can pull him into a careful hug that won't end up hurting him. get cared about idiod!!!!!!!!
[ i spent all this time looking for a good hug icon and i couldn't find one.
ANYWAY NOOO THIS IS SO CUTE, there's such a - moment of surprise, and then something in strohl just collapses. he make a noise, a soft huff of a laugh, hands curling in the air, then wraps them both around rupert to carefully hug him back. ]
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week 3 fri
it's fine. also fit check bc i get to take advantage of post cyoa. strohl loved manwol - she's one of his favorite people here, so he's in a fairly grim mood, let alone with everything else - he's been frowning this entire time, though he glances over at rupert and softens a little into worry, instead. ]
...How're you holding up, Rupert? [ considering. ]
no subject
Um... Not good. [a small pause.] She's - she is really important to me. I don't want to mess up like we did last week.
no subject
[ his voice is soft - rough, wool toned. heavy. ] She's important to me too, and I've not even got the history you two have. A one of a kind woman, to say the least.
[ he'll never ever forget manwol's kindness when vi died - it meant so much to him. losing her and roxana one after another is. hard. heavy.
... ]
I'm not going to let that happen. [ going to mess it up. ] Not if I can help it.
no subject
[rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his palm for a second.]
I'm going to try my best, too.
no subject
strohl watches this for a moment - expression sympathetic, brow furrowing hard. the injustice of it all, to have to go through this over and over and over. it never gets any better. to have to die over and over. ]
I know you will. [ try his best, that is - though he says it softly, he tips his head down to meet rupert's eyes properly, gaze intense. ] I'll be right there beside you the whole time, swear it. The last thing I'll do's allow another repeat - especially not for her.
[ he even told manwol once near the beginning - if you don't want to work in a trial, you can call on me, and i'll come to your aid. he'd be a fool if he couldn't help her one last time. ]
no subject
Back when this all started, I thought that would be all it took. People trying their best. Hopefully it will be this time.
[a little beat, then, shaking his head.]
Sorry, that makes it sound like I'm giving up or something like that. That's not what I mean.
no subject
[ there's a little smile to that, actually. warm. nostalgic. fond. ]
World's not always like we want it to be, in the end. It's important to balance being optimistic with reality. [ ... ]
My parents always said any number of maxims, but there's one in particular that's always stuck with me. "Hope is a step behind a clear conscience." It's the idea that no matter what, if we make choices clear-headedly, to the best of our abilities, then we can continue to hope for the best, even if the worst comes.
I swore to Will I'd always be one step behind him, so I could be his hope - because I believe in his clear conscience. And in that same regard... Rupert - I think, truly, you could be nigh anyone's hope.
no subject
which is to say - he looks up from the floor to meet his eyes again, surprised and more than a little touched. it's a good kind of teary eyed this time. he blinks a few times with a small smile, warm.]
...Thanks. I, um - I try. [rubs at his eyes for a second. anyways!!!!!] Your parents both sound like they were pretty cool. I'm sure they'd be really, really proud of you.
no subject
They were. [ pretty cool - it's a little thick in his throat, as he puts his attention back onto the corn for something to do with his hands. it brings back memories of piltover and the portals for a second, of a village in flames, of reality and falsity melting together. ]
And... I'm not so sure about that. But - if nothing else, I know they'd care that I tried. [ not quite, not yet. maybe he's a noble worthy of his parents, maybe he's not. maybe he'll never be. but in this little moment, he doesn't hate the person that he is at all - a clear conscience, one carefully followed by hope.
he pats around in his comfy clothes for a minute and offers him a handkerchief. like a nerd. here you go, rupert. ] Nevertheless - thank you. I mean what I say, so I hope you will take it to heart, yeah? Here.
no subject
he hears that uncertainty along with the tightness in his voice, and when strohl holds out the handkerchief, he takes his hand instead of the fabric so he can pull him into a careful hug that won't end up hurting him. get cared about idiod!!!!!!!!
muttered:]
Trying's pretty cool too, you know.
no subject
ANYWAY NOOO THIS IS SO CUTE, there's such a - moment of surprise, and then something in strohl just collapses. he make a noise, a soft huff of a laugh, hands curling in the air, then wraps them both around rupert to carefully hug him back. ]
Yeah. [ wetly. ] Yeah, I think so too.