...I know. I know it does. [ his voice softens a little, staring down at the pan, and there's a vulnerability, a tenderness to the words. ] It - I'm trying.
[ to be good. not to be selfish, to let it go, but it's so, so hard. it's what will would do, to be kind, and he is trying, but he's not will, and he's not hulkenberg, either. he lifts his hand, briefly, and rubs his hand over his face, scrubbing it over his eyes. ]
[ weh. he shifts a bit to return it, and turns his head to give him a little smile. there's a lot of guilt there. ]
...yeah. I keep hearing that. [ you wear your emotions on your sleeve, strohl. over and over, from different people - it's not untrue. ] I know who the real enemy is, and I'll not forget it.
Just.. [ ... i miss her, that's all. it feels heavy, and the last thing he wants to do is burden rupert with his own issues, so he huffs, and shakes his head to clear it off. ] Just can't wait to get this whole thing burnt to the ground, 's all. Can't even imagine how you feel, with two of them on your belt.
[ there's a beat. talking to rupert sometimes feels so easy - like talking to will. he pulls the words from strohl without really needing to pry. ]
She's... [ there's a soft huff. fondness leaks into his voice, easy. ] Rowdy. Obnoxious. Loves to take the piss out of me to a shocking degree, but - we just hit it off well the first day we met.
[ flurry and i yelling at each other in the dms in final destinations like oh NO on day one ]
She's got the biggest heart in the whole world. One of those people who's been through the damn wringer, but uses it for the better. Temper just as bad as mine, too - we argue all the time, but I'd not trade it for a thing. She...
[ ...
he has to bite his lip here to keep his composure, shaking his head. ]
She's my best friend. [ and i lost her, again. ] Feels like she's just always slipping through my fingers.
[there's a pause before he leans into his shoulder for a second. just a quiet reminder that he's here, before:]
Twice, for someone you care about so much... It's cruel. Nothing's going to make that better, and you shouldn't have had to lose her for even a second.
[so this next part isn't to dismiss or invalidate what's happened - some things are awful no matter what.]
I know you'll see her again, though. I bet she'll have missed you just as much as you miss her right now.
[ it really, really does remind him of will, is the thing - so he doesn't think it's dismissal for a second. the shoulder bump comes, and after a moment, he returns it, gentle. he's okay. it's just - it's so heavy. it's always so heavy. ]
No. And at the same time - I know it's not her highness's fault, of course that I do. I know it's this damned place's fault, and I'll be more than glad to take it out on the auditors. And I've... I've reached out the olive branch, but it's still..
[ hard. it's still hard. he's not going to bring it back up again though, and he shakes his head, exhaling out and scrubbing his face roughly with one hand. ]
...Anyway. All that to say, you're right. Maybe this time, I'll be able to set things right. [ ... ] If I'm honest, I'd not blame her if she didn't.
You know it's okay not to be, like, 100% completely reasonable when something like that happens to someone you love, right? Rosamund... I think she'd understand that, too.
[extending an olive branch is obviously kind, but he wonders if maybe he shouldn't be a little more kind to himself, too. after another moment:]
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...I know. I know it does. [ his voice softens a little, staring down at the pan, and there's a vulnerability, a tenderness to the words. ] It - I'm trying.
[ to be good. not to be selfish, to let it go, but it's so, so hard. it's what will would do, to be kind, and he is trying, but he's not will, and he's not hulkenberg, either. he lifts his hand, briefly, and rubs his hand over his face, scrubbing it over his eyes. ]
... I do agree. For the record. You're right.
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I'm not blaming you, either, you know. It's okay to be upset. Honestly, I'd rather someone be angry than not care at all.
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...yeah. I keep hearing that. [ you wear your emotions on your sleeve, strohl. over and over, from different people - it's not untrue. ] I know who the real enemy is, and I'll not forget it.
Just.. [ ... i miss her, that's all. it feels heavy, and the last thing he wants to do is burden rupert with his own issues, so he huffs, and shakes his head to clear it off. ] Just can't wait to get this whole thing burnt to the ground, 's all. Can't even imagine how you feel, with two of them on your belt.
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...Is there something else you wanted to say?
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... I just miss Vi, that's all. [ softer. a bleeding heart, through and through. ] Not anything else to say other than that.
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You want to tell me a little bit about her? I didn't get a chance to know her as much as I would've liked.
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[ there's a beat. talking to rupert sometimes feels so easy - like talking to will. he pulls the words from strohl without really needing to pry. ]
She's... [ there's a soft huff. fondness leaks into his voice, easy. ] Rowdy. Obnoxious. Loves to take the piss out of me to a shocking degree, but - we just hit it off well the first day we met.
[ flurry and i yelling at each other in the dms in final destinations like oh NO on day one ]
She's got the biggest heart in the whole world. One of those people who's been through the damn wringer, but uses it for the better. Temper just as bad as mine, too - we argue all the time, but I'd not trade it for a thing. She...
[ ...
he has to bite his lip here to keep his composure, shaking his head. ]
She's my best friend. [ and i lost her, again. ] Feels like she's just always slipping through my fingers.
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Twice, for someone you care about so much... It's cruel. Nothing's going to make that better, and you shouldn't have had to lose her for even a second.
[so this next part isn't to dismiss or invalidate what's happened - some things are awful no matter what.]
I know you'll see her again, though. I bet she'll have missed you just as much as you miss her right now.
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No. And at the same time - I know it's not her highness's fault, of course that I do. I know it's this damned place's fault, and I'll be more than glad to take it out on the auditors. And I've... I've reached out the olive branch, but it's still..
[ hard. it's still hard. he's not going to bring it back up again though, and he shakes his head, exhaling out and scrubbing his face roughly with one hand. ]
...Anyway. All that to say, you're right. Maybe this time, I'll be able to set things right. [ ... ] If I'm honest, I'd not blame her if she didn't.
no subject
[extending an olive branch is obviously kind, but he wonders if maybe he shouldn't be a little more kind to himself, too. after another moment:]
Why do you think she wouldn't?